Come back down to the place

Where I am once again able to separate

The moving parts of a machine that I hate

I remember for a moment who felt like what

Which parts happened to me

And where the interjections of a timeline that I am not part of belong

The transactional virtue of a class that I do not fit into

But my blood is so sweet to its fang that this is where I live

And the defensive barrier that separates me from all the living

pricks at my being

my eyes forever widening

thirsty for the hand that pry me out of this rosebush tomb

its all a game

its all a game

I don’t know how to be numb like you

To not fall to my knees and writhe inside

To not feel sick and scared and hopeful

To let go like it never happened

Like its absence doesn’t matter

Like each one isn’t the most important

The transactional beauty

Because

To fill each others gaps
To me

Is what were here for

and somehow that makes me strange

and I know right now by the playbook weve developed I am meant to stand here sword drawn with fire in my eyes

by everyone else opinion

I stay

Laid

On the alter made of alterior motives

Because no one says what the mean here

Its all a game

And no one dusts trophies they’ve won while theyre out hunting

.

Holding firm to an agreement

Putting one foot before the other

Swallow my tongue because it doesn’t make anything better

Im not ashamed to admit that you were right

But that doesn’t excuse all that happened out of sight

And its hard for me to stand in any sureness

Im walking with a knife to my own back

Trusting without trusting that you can bridle the malice

Eye to eye in the reactionary schisms of hair fractures

A body this full of painful lashes cant help but be unstable

Never take the time to lick the wounds because the licking is what hurts

The shame imbued in the weakness suggested by a blow that hurt your soul

Realising that you cannot shield

Because some people simply take

And all that’s left is the mush of you in a pile of smile that breaks

The problem is that when she sees

She sees all that’s left of me

She knows the earnest searing ache

That ambition cures

And often lies awake

One foot before the other

I miss that you made sense to me

The padding in my nest

A wish that we were meant to be

I cant tell if its left

The haunt of cyclones in my head when I tumble to rest

The wallowing throws of disrespect I understand because I shouldn’t

Agonising on washing down

Proof from false opponents

So to my face she wishes to wage

Wonders why I backed off

Ive seen this play

Concerto staged

My muddy waters wash

The problem is that when she sees

The body leaves

The hornets heave

The softness lingers on

Its not a fight of strength and might

Its getting what you want